Study Abroad: London Fall 2015 #20 “Mounted by a Monster, Purgatory, Missing Asian”
3rd of November 2015 – Tuesday
Finally, this museums essay, which has really kept me from thinking about blogging, is finished. Also, I’ve been ill.
Today, I learned that Vapiano has a student discount. 10%. With the frequency I go to this place, I could’ve saved so much if I had learned about it earlier.
Also, I do this thing where I binge watch shows. So far, I’ve finished seasons 1-4 of American Horror Story. Now, I’m on the second season of House of Cards. It’s incredible, and I love it and it’s my baby.
4th of November 2015 – Wednesday
Nothing happened. I’m still sick.
5th of November 2015 – Thursday
Well, I went to class for once, but I immediately fell asleep after coming back home.
Then, I finished the power point presentation for my theatre group and rehearsed with them.
Later on this evening, Salsa was… doing stuff… to his chopsticks, and that reminded Warren of this google result that popped up when he looked up his name. It was this centaur erotica, and honestly, it’s so ridiculous. Basically, this woman gets f*cked by these centaurs.
Some lines are things like, “I pressed my ass against him…” and the main character uses this gesture as a way to ask for the centaur to go deeper.
Or her asking if she is the mare-something of this one centaur, and he responds to her question saying that the whole group is hers.
Shit like that.
Click here for more about and from the author.
The book is part of the Mounted by a Monster collection.
Yes, you read that correctly. It is a collection.
6th of November 2015 – Friday
I call this day, the clusterfuck day.
After theatre, we went to the bus stop, on time at 13:46, and there weren’t enough spots for all 5 of us, Chilipino, Warren, Missing Asian, Salsa, and me, so we waited for the next bus, which came at about 2. When we got on, all of us were able to get in the bus, except for Chilipino.
Our bus got to the airport 2 hours later, and Chilipino’s bus came after, but not too late after, so we were all able to get to the airport on time.
Chilipino was really excited to get his Eggnog Latte from Starbucks and would not shut up about it.
In the airport, the line to board the plane was long and barely moved for about 30 minutes, so we were stuck in a building that smelled dried urine for a while.
When Chilipino was trying to get in line to board, they told him he couldn’t bring the coffee in. So, he dumped the coffee into the trash can in his usually sassy way, making a huge mess. He was proud. I was proud.
I fell asleep the whole flight, so I didn’t hear it when they said that the plane would be landing in Jasionka, not Krakow, because the plane made a wrong turn in the fog.
The flight attendant, when we landed, said in her broken English, “Airport didn’t know… our flight landing… buses in 5-10 minutes.”
We waited for 30 minutes and got on the first bus we saw, no questions asked. All we heard was the word, “Krakow,” and that’s all we needed to know.
In the bus, there was a group of drunk guys in the back, which was annoying. At one point, one of them stood up, walked down the aisle, saying, “you’re boring, you’re boring,” and finally stopped at these two old ladies. He asked them about the bathroom door, which was right in front of them, and then went on to say that the last time he went through a door like that, he fell out of the bus or something like that.
We played a few games on the bus, like telepathy.
(In this game, two people say a word at the same time, and the next two people say words that are similar, and the point of the game is for two people to say the same word at the same time)
One round went like this:
1…2…3… “Mijo” “Disability”
1…2…3… “Chef in the Cut” “Autism”
Note, you will only understand why this is funny if you hang around my boyfriend and Chilipino enough.
Off to the side, we noticed that Missing Asian was talking to this random lady sitting next to him on the bus. She offered him vodka. He took it.
At one point in their conversation, they were both trying to say “rave”
After we ran out of games to play, we noticed that the fog, no, smog, surrounding us made it hard to see what was outside. It seemed as if the bus wasn’t really going anywhere, which made us feel like this bus was purgatory. We were scared we would never get out.
Eventually, we got to the airport at Krakow. We had a hard time trying to find out how to get to the town center, but we eventually found the bus stop and got tickets. A bus came by, and the bus driver talks to Warren, saying something in Polish first, but then saying, “45 minutes. Time out. Break.”
We think he’s going to keep sitting there in the bus, but he simply drives away.
It was an hour until the bus finally came back. It was a 30-40 minute drive to the town center.
It took us about 11 hours to get to the town center, from the moment we left Accent to the moment we got off the bus.
Later, after we checked in to our hostels, we got some kebabs at this amazing place. Salsa ordered 31,00 zl worth of food, which is equivalent to $7.75.
7th of November 2015 – Saturday
We got dinner at a place where Warren was able to get wild boar.
Missing Asian asked if we were going to the “Jew Part?”
There was no way to see the Jewishness in the “Jew Part,” so we ended up trying to find ice cream.
We never found ice cream after 2 hours of walking. During this time, Missing Asian kept trying to find a bathroom. There also was no bathroom.
So, Warren and I got ice cream at McDonalds.
8th of November 2015 – Sunday
At the Salt Mines, the tour guide was… interesting.
In the elevator, the tour guide counted how many people there were.
“OK there are 15 of you, but the list had 16, so get out… let’s find this person… probably went to bathroom without telling.”
She counts again. “1…2..16.” OK, get back in.
We get in, and Salsa sees the screen that shows “2015” and says, “Woah, it’s a time machine.”
The tour guide hears him and replies, “Yes, actually. It is like we are in a time machine.” The elevator goes down, and the years count down. “OK, we are leaving the 21st century… 20th century… 19th century… 18th…. 17th… 16th… 15th… uhhhh 14th… 13th century. Here we are.”
So the tour goes well, we do a lot of walking, we do activities like sawing a log, making a rope, etc.
But there’s this annoying German guy and his girlfriend, and they are just cuddling and making out at every point. Along with this, the guy is just loud and obnoxious.
Warren had to do this thing where he had to locate the German guy in the dark, but the guy moved out of place. I mean… really?
Then, we had to get maps and some people became the new “tour guide.” But this didn’t work out well, and the tour guide got annoyed.
“There’s so many of you but no one wants to take responsibility. That’s the problem with all of you.”
We eventually got back on track, and we were able to mine salt for ourselves.
Warren just wanted a small piece, because he didn’t care about bringing home rocks. However, the tour guide would have none of this and gave him 3 huge pieces of salt, which Warren eventually handed to Salsa.
As we were walking at one point, this happened:
Salsa: “Salt fight”
*the sound of a rock hitting someone*
Chilipnio: “What the fuck?!”
There was a point where we had to go down many flights of stairs and it was like Purgatory part 2.
We got to another activity point, and it was where people had to put wires into a device, spin the crank, and push the button.
I didn’t know what I expected when the button was pushed.
Nothing happened for 3 seconds… but then the ground started shaking, and while everyone gave outu a short surprised gasp, I screamed… and screamed… and screamed.
Getting Back Home
In the airport, Salsa got stopped because of a pen he “got” from Edinburgh.
But aside from that, Missing Asian… went missing for a good 30 minutes. We arranged search parties just to find him. We eventually found him and found out why we couldn’t find him: he was getting his boarding pass checked for the visa… which the rest of us didn’t do.
We tried to do this, but they wouldn’t let us get past the part where they check passports.
One of the guys came out to talk to us, well, Warren, and basically, he kept telling him that we couldn’t get past and would have to wait, and when Warren asked, “How come?” the guy got confused and left with Warren’s passport just to come back and make us wait near our gate, telling us that the ladies at the gate will help us with our boarding pass.
OK, I’ve decided to not proofread this (as if I ever do) and post the pictures later, because I’m that lazy.
1. Don’t lose track of your asians
2. Learn how to speak Polish, it just might help one day, IDK.
3. Be aware that things will not always go as expected, and as Salsa would always say, have high hopes but low expectations.